No! No! That goes on your butt! Don’t make it sentient, that’s just...– Me, to my roommate who saw an ad for talking toilet paper
every time i pass a mirror, i flex my arms.
Story of my life
Aubrey: I'm trying to think of something happy to tell you
Me: I'll settle for mediocre
friday night lights never fails to make me cry...
Tim watching Jason and Erin reunite? Crying against the cab? ugh.
this is one of those nights where i need help remembering how to breathe.
we’re all has-beens and never weres.
I'm a pioneer, not a parody.
A haiku written while everyone else in my feature...
fever set in fast the event was not a thought now, i’ll surf the web
he gave her promise rings, the promise of rings. promise of promises. forget me not bouquets, pressed between tissue thin pages, left to dry. it’s all easier said than done.
I’ll give you anything Jackie-O with the top down open A king’s horse for what’s been broken I’d bring back even what’s unspoken Just to see you
you: dark ocean bottom me: fast sinking anchor
Leo: You have an interesting conversational style, you know that?
Ainsley: It's a nervous...condition
Leo: I used to have a nervous condition
Ainsley: How did yours manifest itself?
Leo: I drank a lot of scotch.
Ainsley: I get sick when I drink too much
Leo: I get drunk when I drink too much.
You can take Contemplative Thought, where you can…contemplate. Or you can...– My Meaning of Life professor, talking about Spring courses
If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?– Chuck Palahniuk (via fuckyeahpalahniuk)
the poets are just kids who didn't make it.
i want to be known for my hits, not just my misses. i took a shot and didn’t even come close.